We are all in this together

It is human nature to compare your circumstances to others. Cancer survivors/fighters are the same way. I always find it fascinating to watch the people in the oncology waiting room who feel the need to find out why everyone else is there; almost as if they want to establish where they rank in the waiting room hierarchy. I remember a distinct conversation between a man and a woman who were seated near each other. The man was by himself and the woman had her daughter with her. "What are you in for?" "Lung Cancer" "What stage?" "Three" "Oh, I have stage four...." "Well this is my second cancer, I already had breast cancer". A lot of sharing for people who met 3 seconds ago. I remember unabashedly staring at these two having the conversation, attempting to one up each other on cancer.

It works the other way, too. Some people feel like there experiences are different and therefor less than what your experiences and have a hard time sharing. One of my really good friends just told me that she had been diagnosed with stage 0 cancer back in November and that she "only" needed surgery to rid her of the disease. She said she didn't want to tell me because first, she didn't want anyone to know and second, because she didn't feel like what she went through was on the same level as what I went through. She felt like she didn't have cancer when she compared it to everything I went through. We were having this conversation while out with friends and the other people at the table were appalled at this. Oh, you non-cancer havers, let's hope you never understand how this can sometimes make sense. I could only smile and tell her that I understood. I told her that if she did ever want to talk about it in detail that I was here. I told her that as much as she might not think it, there is so much shared experience from all stages of cancer that she need not feel bad that she didn't have to go through as much treatment as I did to get herself healthy.  I let her know that I was happy she was sharing with me now and that I was very grateful that they found her cancer so early and that she was doing great.

Because the bottom line is whatever type of cancer you have, whatever treatment you need, the ultimate goal is what we all want: health. We are all in this together. All 14.5 million (in the USA) cancer survivors, we all have had some shared experience and we have all kicked cancer's ass. So let us try not to compare our experiences and decided who had it worse, let us continue to support each other, share our stories and all work towards finding a cure and cause for our diseases. Can I get an Amen? (Sorry preaching done, but sometimes we all need a pep talk).