Say "Yes AND"

Generally, people don't like to ask for help. Many of the women I talk too, we discuss how that after being raised to be strong, independent women allowing others to assist you seems like a failure. I find this as a reoccurring theme when I talk to people who are just starting their cancer journey, many of my friends who are new moms, and really, any woman, has felt that way at some time in their life.

However, one of the greatest lessons that cancer taught me was that it is not failure to allow others to help. It is not a reflection upon my independence and doesn't make me any less of strong. Allowing others to help you, even with the smallest of items, is a mutual beneficial experience. And I have Tina Fey to thank for this. Yes, Tina Fey.

I read Tina Fey's BossyPants three times while going through treatment. I have read it multiple times since. My favorite chapter is "The Windy City Full of Meat", and this is because Tina outlines the rules of improv. And oddly enough incorporating these rules into my everyday life allowed me to let others assist me when I need and also step outside my comfort zone.

According to Tina Fey "The rules of Improvisation that Will Change Your Life and Reduce Belly Fat". I can only vouch for the "change your life part".

Rule #1. Always Agree and Say Yes. This doesn't mean that I have to agree with everyone else's opinions or choices, but it means that I start in an open minded place. It also means that you step out of your comfort zone. It means when someone offers to something nice for you, you say yes. It also means that if your invited to a friend from grad schools wedding and you only know her out of the 180 people invited, you go.  It can also lead to your month of June being amazing; trips to visit college friends and their families, the ultimate 80's weekend, Journey and Billy Joel concerts and multiple trips to Fenway park. My saying yes needs to work on my scheduling abilities.

Rule #2. Say Yes, AND. This is my favorite rule.

"To me Yes, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. It's your responsibility to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion"

It means you need to really hear what people are saying to actively participate in conversations and relationships. It means that you put down the gawd damn cell phone and actually talk to people. It means that you can't shut everyone out. I found that this meant that I really gave people an answer to "How are you doing?" when they would ask when I was going through treatment. I think it might also be why I awkwardly overshare my experiences too. It's also the reason I continue to blog.

I still violate this rule often, but I am better at catching myself doing it. Last week my roommate was trying to talk to me about something and in the middle of the conversation I got distracted by Jack Bauer throwing people out the window. I realized it, a couple of moments after she did, and apologized and walked away from the tv to finish the discussion.

Rule #3. Make Statements.

"In other words: Whatever the problem, be part of the solution......[This] also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions"

Don't just point out what is wrong, try to fix it. I use this one at work all the time and work on not saying sorry before I do things. I do things with purpose I should also speak with purpose. Pantene (yes, the shampoo people) made a great ad to this point.

Rule #4. There are no mistakes, only opportunities. Enough said.

So, just do a little improv when someone asks you if they can do something for you. Say Yes, And.. .


Citation:
Fey, T. (2011). Bossypants. New York, NY: Reagan Arthur Books/Little, Brown and Company.