I spent most of today writing a final exam for the class I'm teaching this semester. 5 years ago, I wouldn't have even thought that my side job would be teaching at a University. I'm not sure that I would have even applied.
When I told my bf of the survivorversary he broke out the good stuff
Sparkling grape juice and dark chocolate. 5 years ago today I couldn't eat chocolate, it destroyed my insides and tasted gross.
Here's another victory; my mother forgot. December 10th is no longer an ominous day for her. I'm happy, healthy with a head full of shoulder length hair. She cannot believe she didn't remember the date, as it seemed impossible to be able to forget when I had finished.
And there was only one small reminder of the long term effects of cancer treatment; I washed down my blood thinner with the sparking grape juice. But, I smiled while doing it.
5 years has come fast, especially from the days where I just kept singing "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming".
Been having some fun living my life without biopsies, that I have some catching up to do.
Making Strides Boston 2017
Mom and I went again this year. I got my survivor sash and a cape. Yup, a superhero cape. It was a brisk morning, but I do feel like I'm advocating for the survivors under 40 while I'm out there walking around. My mom's favorite part is how many stares and mouths agape that I get walking around with my survivor sash. This year, on the way home an man in his 50/60's kept hitting his wife until she turned to point me out. I just smiled and waved. The barista at Starbucks asked me if I dressed like that ever day. I'm not going to lie, I considered making the cape part of my daily look.
Celebrating Birthday's
I love that the American Cancer Society once had a slogan "Here's to more Birthday's". I had never really been one to celebrate my birthday, but now I do make sure I do something special, eat some treats and see some of my favorite people.
Celebrating my birthday, however is nothing compared to how much I love celebrating my niece's birthday. She turned 3 this year and Mom and I flew down to Arizona for a few days. It was the first flight I'd taken since being diagnosed with DVTs and I wore compression stalkings on both flights. On the lead up to the flights my left calf was being all twingy with pain, but I think that it might have been all in my head. I was nervous to fly, but knowing that I was going to go get quality "Auntie Time" eased the nerves.
Radiation Oncology
Well, I never used to believe other survivors that there would be time that I wouldn't think about having had cancer every day, but I did. Now, I've transitioned into forgetting that I have oncology appointments! The pendulum may have swung too far. So, at my rescheduled appointment with my radiation oncologist all was well. We talked about how good my boobs looked, how happy I looked and when my next vacation was. Who doesn't want to start a Monday morning like that?
People on Blood Thinners Should Not be Able to Use Mandolines
I love kitchen gadgets. Love them. My boyfriend has a mondoline for very fine, constant and easy slicing. Well I was making an apple pie for Thanksgiving (it is less than two weeks away people, yes I am a planner) and despite his warnings that it wasn't really necessary and that he was worried about me using it, I sliced my finger on the 3rd section of apple (so like 45 seconds into using it). I watch my thumb slide right into the blade and then...... oh my. I haven't had many instances of bleeding like that.
Just kidding, it wasn't that bad. But it did involve a trip to CVS for some blood clotting gauze, butterfly bandages and fingertip bandages. Oops. Don't worry the apple pie was unharmed.
Jacking up the FOR
Things I could have gone without. Studies are showing the ER+ breast cancer can recur 15-20 years after treatment. Woman who had positive lymph nodes had the higher rate of recurrence. Well, that will give you some pause and make you continue to appreciate each and every cancer free day you got going on.
Makes me wonder, is 10 years enough on Tamoxifen? Should I just take that and my poop emoji shaped blood thinner 4-eva? Well, better make sure I don't miss my medical oncology appointment (in March!) and ask those questions.
It was quite the summer; DVTs, blood thinners, colonoscopies and uterine biopsies. I began to feel like a human science experiment. Thankfully everything is benign and per usual "We would just like to monitor you, given your history". I swear I could make a template for some of my health care provider visits.
This summer I also continued to collect specialist. Now that I have the cardiovascular doctor, a gastroenterologist and now an endodontist.
An endodontist you say? Well, my adventures in dental examinations continue. I went in for my annual cleaning and they took some X rays, and then it began again.
"Hmm."
Crap. "What?" (Slightly concerned, but people say that a lot to me)
"Well that spot on your font tooth is still there and we think you should go see a specialist to see if you need a root canal." A root canal on my front tooth? Well that sounds all kinds of fun.
Off the endodontist I went. She was a lovely woman. One of the members of her staff looked at me and asked what bus route I took. Turns out we pass each other every morning. Yay bus people! (Those who ride public transportation together, stick together).
This lovely endodontist decided to take her own 3D pictures of my jaw and there it was again.
"Hmm"
Crap on cracker. "What?" (Now concerned).
Well, she showed me what the imaging she had taken and it looked like a hole in my jaw. Right below my front teeth. A hole? Are you kidding me?
She then went through the options it could be and wrote them down 1) Dental thingermerbobber (didn't stick with me) 2) Something that would be replaced with putty 3) Bone MET. I gave her my best "really?" face. She said "Given your past medical history we do need to investigate further and we may need to biopsy your jaw". That made me start routing for a root canal. But, the specialist needed to send my films out to a specialist to have them read it further. Sounds about right.
So then I wait for the specialist to read my special dental films from the specialist. I am really good at waiting for results at this point.
1 week later the endodontist called. "Great news. It's a benign cyst. Nothing to be done. Don't let anyone ever do a root canal on that front tooth".
Winner winner chicken dinner.
Talk about the ultimate outcome. Glad it was just weird films and nothing else. Glad that it didn't come to a biopsy either.
Now back to living my life and eating crunchy and sticky foods with a complete jaw.
I've had a hard time getting any consistent running going since the DVT's. Not sure why, but have been walking more than anything. To say my fitness is seriously lacking and I have been uninspired would be correct. However, I did follow the extremely inspiring story of Gabe Grunewald. The best way to understand her story is to read the great Sports Illustrated article "Athlete gets cancer. Athlete fights cancer. Repeat, again and again..." It will make any cancer survivor glad they had a common, well researched with well defined treatment. It made this one, very happy that a)I've only had cancer once b) it was the most common kind. Today, one of my runner friend's posted the video of Gabe's story and her hunt to go to USA's.
She may not have secured the qualifier this year, but because so many other athletes didn't get the standard her previous time got her into USA's. After a couple rounds of chemo, it ended up being more of a victory that she was out there (and for the record she still ran really fast!)
So, I sit here on a Friday, putting a training plan back together. Trying to regain some fitness. I've already proven that I am no longer as quick as I once was, but I do miss have baseline fitness. And I am inspired.
If you too are inspired you can donate to Gabe's cancer journey you can do so here.
With the anniversary of my diagnosis day (August 8th, 2012 at 3:30 in the afternoon), my mother and I were discussing the day. She remember's sitting with me wishing it was 5 years from then, when she knew everything would be ok (forever the optimist, that mother of mine).
5 years after hearing, "you have breast cancer". 5 years after being forced to face my own mortality and choosing to let people and all the good in.
5 years of #cancersurvivorproblems.
Now, this is another thing that keeps on growing. When you have had breast cancer and it surprised your doctors, they spend a lot of time trying not to be surprised by things. So, when you are physically active and you still develop blood clots on your long term hormonal treatment, everyone is surprised afain. Then they put you on a poop emoji looking blood thinner. And that's when people start checking on everything (#cancersurvivorproblems).
Because my iron labs have been a little off multiple people advocated that I have a colonoscopy. Oh yeah. I got to drink this 4L jug of poop juice...
It is pictured here with my clear liquid diet and some items featured in my low fiber diet that needed to be consumed leading up to the exam.
And guess what? The anticipation of the colonoscopy is the worst part. The actual prep, isn't pleasant, but for a constipated lady like me (#cancersurvivorproblems), it did get rid of all my belly pain. And I was awake enough that I got to see the inside of my colon. (The science nerd in me was so amped). And there was nothing wrong with it (not just per my visual inspection, also per the gastroenterologist who did my colonoscopy).
5 years ago, I never would have imagined that I would get excited when I put a couple of months together without a doctor's appointment or test. I never would imagine that I would be living with my boyfriend or making travel plans to celebrate my niece's 3rd birthday. I never would've imagined that you can experience overwhelming gratitude about being alive at the same time you feel like human science experiment, but I'm glad I get to.
And who would have known 5 years ago I would wake up singing soulshine. I can deal with all the #cancersurvivorproblems because I'm still here to have them, and it sure is better than rain.
I've been a big fan of USA's Playing House a comedy about two best friends and their travels through life and love of Kenny Loggins. These are two of the funniest people you will find on television.
I have been patiently waiting a year and half for the season 3 to happen (especially after the finale of season 2 featured Kenny Loggins singing my Mom's favorite song).
And then in May, my facebook feed had Stand Up to Cancer features Actress Jessica St. Clair Gets personal about breast cancer. And featured this blog post from her.
It was beyond relateable to me. Stage 2b ER+ breast cancer. The love of the Great British Baking Show. The gratitude and the self deprecation, was spot on and I got very excited to read that Perham and St. Clair would be writing their experience through cancer into the season.
I couldn't wait to watch......and I was not disappointed.
USA let every episode be available on demand and I blew through the seasons and I have watched all 8 episodes twice so far. What I really enjoy is that they show the character Emma living her life through cancer! It doesn't become the focus of the show.
You can tell that they really have lived it, and it's so appreciated. My favorite episode is "Ride the Dragon" as to me it had the most relatable moments. Emma (St. Clair) has finished a chemo round and when she walks into a room/party of women people don't know what to say to her. And it takes Emma making a demand and using "come on, I have cancer you have to do what I say" to break the ice. Oh man, been there.
Then there is the interaction between Emma and her mother. Her mother just cannot spend enough time with her and give her enough hugs. Eventually, Emma gives way and just lets the prolonged hugs happen. Done that. (love you Mom) After cancer, one of my good friend's husband let me know that he totally appreciated that I actually hugged him now and didn't just do limp arms.
Finally, the most spot on depiction was the conversation between Emma and another cancer survivor. Their conversation about living a "Hell Yes" life and that cancer changes you because you have to face your on mortality is something that sneaks up on you through out treatment, but leaves an everlasting mark. I may have rewound this conversation and watched again and again. It's so great see the humor in cancer on television and not a melodramatic sad display.
The season finale (airing Friday July 14th or available via Comcast on demand) it is amazing. It has a great celebration of survivorship, friendship and Tina Turner.
Maybe I'll rotate episodes of the Great British Baking Show and Playing House. Now, that is a happy place.
As all are aware the Lahey Health 5K Cancer Walk and Run is one of my absolute favorite events of the year. Obviously when the hospital makes a video of you running the 5K and promotes it, you best be ready to run!
And because they had done this little video and then asked me to give a little speech before about how much I love Lahey, a lot of great people came out to run with Team NED, including friends from elementary school, middle school, high school running buddies, my college besties, post collegiate track club friends, colleagues, my parents and my boyfriend.
How could it be a bad day? Friends came in from Colorado (with a 3 and 1 year old), Ohio (after leaving a 4 and 2 year old) and New York (with a 4 and 2 year old). These are brave friends! I am so grateful they were there. People juggled work schedules, family obligations and general life obstacles to be there.
From the second I showed up early Saturday morning the atmosphere of gratitude and celebration of survivors was palpable. It started by meeting the wonderful photographer, who introduced herself as a 17 year breast cancer survivor. We discussed (as only other survivors will understand) how grateful we both were that if we had to get cancer we were grateful for breast because it is so well researched and that the tumors are usually outside areas that include vital organs. The BF just stands there shaking his head and after the interaction was done gives me a look and just says "okay....".
As I walked through the crowd of people and dropped my bag off at the bag drop, many people came up to introduce themselves and let them know they had seen the video and wanted to know if I was ready to beat last years time. I smiled, and let them know that I was happy to be out there running, but it was doubtful that I would be busting out some 7:57 min/mile (knowing what the last week had been). I ran into members of my treatment team who weren't sure I'd be there after the interesting week and half I had had. "I can't miss this event!" It warmed my heart to see all the people picking up their yellow Survivor t-shirts and the sheer volume of people at the Lahey 5k.
Just before the start of the race their is a little program featuring the CEO of Lahey Hospital and Medical Center, the chair of the Lahey Health Cancer Institute, a member of Burlington board of selectman and a grateful patient. This year that very, very grateful patient was me. As most everyone is aware I probably could have spoke for hours about my gratitude, but they said 2-3 minutes. My BF helped me whittle the speech down and my very proud dad filmed it on his phone while my mother looked on, beaming.
Video Credit: Proud Papa
And then it was time to run. The ringers on Team NED (who I was bragging about to the CEO prior to giving my speech, letting him know that he'd be handing out multiple awards to Team NED) took off. And I struggled. But, my high school teammate, whom I have not run with in 17 years, gave up her competitive aspirations for the day and ran/paced me. She told me not to worry, that the day was about celebrating survival and she was happy to run with me. I really do have amazing friends!
I was tired (it was very humid), but ecstatic. My friend had got me through the 5K in 25: 24. 8:11 min/mile. NOT my slowest 5K as I had feared. The last photo is me trying to celebrate. I then like any good dietitian walked directly over to the Dunkin Donuts table and consumed some munchkins and water. You know for recovery!
Also, I did not lie in my trash talking to the CEO (still competitive much?), members of Team NED were the 1st Female finisher, 2nd Female Finisher and 30-39 age group winner. Way to go speedy ladies!
I was so touched that people flew, drove and made it a priority to get to the Lahey 5k again this year. It was so great to see many of my favorite people in one place and be able to run with them again. It is quite a celebration of survivorship and the exceptional work that in my extremely biased opinion the people at Lahey do.
Team NED ended up raising over $4,600 for the Lahey Cancer services and that is better than any fast 5K time.
So grateful for all of Team NED and everyone who donated there time, effort, sweat, money and baked goods!
